::TWO STEPS FORWARD, ONE STEP BACK::

For the past several months, I've been revisiting an important question in my life: What is the best thing I could be doing with my time?

For a while, I thought that working in the field of sustainable design was it. I'd spent nearly two years researching the various ways that one could help create a sustainable world for ourselves, and wondering where my talents and passion fit best. I became enamored with "green" architecture.

Before long, I had an incredible job in sustainable design, and I was back in school, earning a degree that I KNEW would be of use to me in the field. I was almost sure that becoming an architect was the way to go.

But I was a little off.

You see, I think I've got the skills and potential to become an architect--I like to draw, I enjoy making things, I'm good at math, and I can be quite a perfectionist. And as many of you may know from my writings, I'm in love with the concept of making places where people just can't HELP but live sustainably...

What I didn't take into account was the local sustainable design scene. Here in New York, close to Manhattan, residential "green" architecture is off the radar. I think it's got a lot to do with high real estate prices. And those who DO pursue sustainable design for their homes usually do it on their own.

So, I ended up working in commercial architecture (i.e., buildings). Now, I have nothing against buildings, but they involve big budgets, and where there are budgets, there are meetings, and offices, and suits. It just wasn't what I'd imagined it would be, and because of that, I wasn't at my best.

As soon as I came to this realization, I knew that I had to adjust my goals accordingly. I narrowed my work time down to just a few hours a week and continued to go to school, but for the most part, I was back to square one, trying to figure out the most effective way that I could make a difference.

It wasn't easy. I knew that by leaving school and deciding to do my own thing, I'd made one of the most important decisions of my life. But I also knew that sustainable design just didn't seem to fit. I wondered, if it'd taken me two whole years to come to a decision that wasn't even right, how could I be sure that my next decision wouldn't turn out the same way? I couldn't afford to leave school once more and spend a few years pondering my next move, only to have it not work out.

I felt pretty lost, and disappointed.

Then, one day, I read about a man who once stood on the shores of Lake Michigan and was about to commit suicide. His daughter had just died, he had no job, money, or credit, and his wife and newborn child were completely dependant on him for support.

At that point, he suddenly realized that his life was not his own, but belonged to the universe. And he wondered what one average man, with no job, college degree, or special skills, could do in service to the world.

His name was R. Buckminster Fuller, and from that day on, he became dedicated to changing things for the better. I'd like to believe that he did. While most know him as the inventor of the geodesic dome, I was personally struck by what he once said: "Pollution is just resources we aren't using." (Very true, if you really think about it)

Not only was I inspired by his story, but his work sparked an interest in a field of science I'd never discovered before; one that focuses on developing the technology and creating the ecosystems of a sustainable world. Some refer to it as ecological engineering, others would call it permaculture--I'm not really sure what the appropriate term is. Either way, I found it fascinating, and a whole new world of possibilities opened up to me.

And sure, this might not work out, just like my little foray into sustainable design. But I sincerely believe that there is something I can do in this world that would make a difference AND make me happy.

It's like the Greek engineer, Archimedes, once said: "Give me a lever long enough...and single-handed I can move the world."

Till next month (the anniversary issue!),

-Krystle C.

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